Mar 13, 2013

It's all coming back to me now...

We received a bit of bad news on Saturday, news that I say is bad, because it has put a spanner into some carefully laid plans of ours. But the certainty of plans are always illusory, and when I look at Number 3, I am reminded of how sometimes the best outcome, results from carefully-made plans thrown haywire.

Number 3 is a month old. It's been awhile since I held a newborn in my arms, and there is much I forgot, all of which came rushing back to me this past month. I forgot :

1) how you have to steal time - for taking a bath, for having lunch, for going shopping. Everything is done as quickly as possible in an opportune moment. It's living on the edge of suspense, wondering when a peaceful moment will end without a moment's notice.

2) how empowering giving birth can be. When every fibre in your being says it is impossible, and yet you dig down and get through it, what is truly impossible is raised a notch. It is darkest before dawn, but a sunrise does lie on the other end.

3) how everything ... from to running an errand to going out the front door, takes two to three times as long.

4) how a sock or booty always insists on falling off, and how you will always know when it does because some passerby will point it out to you.

5) how small they are as newborns, and how lovely it is when they can fit in the length of your forearm and sleep on your chest, as cosy as a bug. The vulnerability is endearing.

6) how many diapers you go through in a day! I was looking at diapers on sale a few months back, and wondering aloud why they sell diapers in the hundreds. "How can we ever finish using all those diapers?" I said to hubby (who also had baby amnesia).

7) how powerful a baby's unfiltered smile is. A glimpse of s split second smile can seem to be payment enough for 24 hours of work.

8) how intoxicating they are, and how being intoxicated can make you think silly things (see point 7).

9) how stressful it can be when baby decides to wail in public and not stop despite a dozen exhortations and pleadings.

10) how you are never truly free until you stop nursing. I am a big advocate of breastfeeding, enjoy these mother-and-bub only moments, and was always wistful when I stopped. But as I look ahead and plan my night outs, I am struck by a reality I had forgotten - as long as I have to feed my baby, my body serves her and isn't quite mine to do with as I please.

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful post! I am holding my 8 day old baby after a 6 year gap. I had forgotten about the nappies too! Now I remember why I used to buy them in bulk and have them home delivered - I must get that organized...

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  2. Consider using Woolies Homebrand nappies. They are very good!

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    1. Thanks for the tip! Someone recommended Aldi's nappies too...

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